We are bluetooth, you will be assimilated

It saddens me that bluetooth wireless headsets have become a fashion accessory.Problem #1: Headset stealth creates awkward moments when you don’t know that person is actually engaged in a conversation with a human, and not invisible pink maniacal unicorns. This evening, on the way down from my floor, the elevator stops at 3 and a comely woman gets on. As soon as the doors close, she asks a very suggestive question about whether she would look good in — oh, I forget, let’s just call it the “Lion Tamer Outfit.”   Witty retort.  Strange look. Oh, you’re not talking to me. Problem #2: It’s rude. In our building, there’s this dude in the office across the hall who’s some kind of mortgage big wig.   With a conventional phone, he’d have to pause his conversation when he attends to bodily functions in the men’s room.  With wireless, he doesn’t need to pause.  I can’t not listen to his half-conversation. I wonder if he wears this in dining situations…Problem #3: They look stupid. If you’re a fifty-something guy with a clean-shaven head and a bluetooth thing attached to your ear, flashing, you look like a Lobot groupie.   I’m sorry, it’s true.  Also, just so you know, the little blue LED cannot be seen by the person who actually cares about the connectivity.Problem #4: despite the hands-free mode, it still distracts people from driving. Seriously.  You cannot be engaged in an important conversation and operate heavy machinery.  Pull over.  

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Image sources:1) Locutus of Borg, Star Trek: The Next Generation, “Best of Both Worlds”2) Lobot, The Empire Strikes Back3) “Schizophrenic or wireless headset?,” Urban Etiquette4) Sexy woman doing her nails or dicing onions or something, Groupo Utopia