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NNWM: unusual ways my character might die
- Drown in a barrel of feral, plastic monkeys
- Unnecessarily provoke a "Code Elmo" alert with the Portage Security Association -- they're much like our TSA, but with better accents and 20% more common sense
- Contract a fatal infection from the paper cut he got while licking the envelope on a strongly-worded letter to the editor
- Pranksters paint his head like a soccer ball and bury him neck deep in a grassy field frequented by Beckham wannabees.
- As a commissioned sales representative for an Armour and Weapons Emporium scandalized by cheap, Saxon knock-offs, discovers the fury of knights returning from failed quests because the Rope of Hercules can be tugged apart by a gradeschool student; the Shield of Invulnerability catches fire when the battery used to power the blinking marketing bling lights overheats; or the Sword of Cutting doesn't, because its blade is serrated. (First two ideas courtesy of Kiri.)
- While selling "libido enhancement pills" made from dried amphibian parts and graham crackers, he spams the wrong, ill-tempered Wizard with Email ID.
- A freak accident with microwave popcorn
- Didn't read all eighteen pages of the privacy agreement, consented to being fed to squirrels.
- Went swimming ten minutes after eating Thanksgiving pizza
- Ran with scissors, shoes tied together
What else am I missing?
Light Rain: 53° F, wind 180°@ 12 mph, visibility 4 mi, 87% humidity
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I appreciate and read every email, but I'm so deluged, that I can no longer respond personally. Please don't be offended.
deformity-laggardly
