For the last nine years, my insurance agent’s computer has sent me address labels as part of her (slow) drip marketing. For most of those years, the address labels I’ve received have been printed in a format like this:

CARSON, JAMES MIDDLENAME, SUFFIX
1 JIM ST
SUITE: POTATO
JIMTOWN, WA 980061234

There are at least three problems with this. First, it’s using my full, legal name as if I had been indicted and a fashion emergency was being issued on the six o’clock news. Second, the ordering of the names is bizarre. I’m thinking the only thing missing is a serial number and a telescreen badgering me to work harder on flexibility and bone density:

Telescreen: “8286 Carson, J! Yes, you! Bend lower, please! You can do better than that. You’re not trying. Lower, please! That’s better, comrade. Now stand at ease, the whole squad, and watch me.

Thirdly, it’s shouting. Shouting indoors, where most mail is read!
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